but i think i just need to get everything on my mind out.

1. This year has been alright- I love my friends here, my classes are great and overall I am happy, but I find that i miss chris more and more everyday. I’ve actually cried from being homesick. I just want to go home and be with him, and knowing I have nothing to look forward to this summer (he’ll be in aa taking summer classes) just makes things even worse. People always tell me that they don’t know how I do it. and i just reply yeah… i guess. but it really is soooo hard. it is frustrating after having a terrible day when your boyfriend can’t do anything more than comfort you on the phone. it sucks when all of your friends are single and you feel uncomfortable at parties, cause you don’t want some stranger trying to get into your pants. There is so much that makes our relationship worth it, and I know that this will eventually be a lot better. but right now it’s not. I just miss him so much. and it really upsets me.

2. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. People are consistently asking me about my major, all I want to answer is I have no idea. I just say communications, but seriously what can you do with a communications degree? as much as i love what i’m studying, and as interesting as my classes are, I know that I will not be personally satisfied with myself if I can barely afford to live because of my career. Part of me wants to go to law school, I had a talk with my dad about it, and he is incredibly supportive, but warned me that going to law school is nothing like being a lawyer, he knows that I want to be a mother someday, and law may not be the best field to go into, because of what I would have to sacrifice for a career that demanding. I want speech therapy, but I don’t know what the hell is going on with their program at state and I am afraid that I might have to transfer if I do want to pursue it. I’ve generally ruled out the medical field, something that my parents consistently encouraged me to look into, right now it’s too late though, I’d need to stay for another year for sure, and I wouldn’t be happy with what I was doing at all. I just can’t stand not knowing, shouldn’t I know by now? I’ve been trying to think of something perfect for me since my freshman year of high school- it shouldn’t be hard, i know what I like and what I don’t like. I kind of just feel like a failure.

3. I hate being a student- i like my classes and all, but the pressures of academia is just not for me. I hate tests, and no matter how well i’m doing this semester, I always feel stressed out. School just sucks.

K this might have helped a little. bedtime. goodnight tumblr.

just wish i could be more appreciated and that my family was just nice to me for once :(

I just want to break down and cry, but I can’t let them know that what they do and say to me kills me emotionally.